It’s recently come to my attention that some people still do not get the appeal of Lady Gaga, or what she might mean to others. I mentioned — in my previous post — that she makes me “feel alive”. And she does. The Thinking Housewife dismisses my adoration of Lady Gaga by calling me “half-alive”.
But let me tell you, I am far from being “half-alive”. I have probably seen more life in my twenty-something years of life than most others who are nearly double my age. And let’s not forget: art is relative to the person. While one person may prefer classical music, another may prefer rock. That’s not to say that one is better than the other, because although they are distinctly different genres, they both speak to the listener.
Gaga particularly spoke to me when I was still with my ex JR and going through all of the insanity he did. He cheated, emotionally abused me, and physically abused me in the last two weeks of our relationship. This was a man I loved with all of my heart and soul. I easily could have spent the rest of my life with him. I never wanted anyone but him, and I never looked at a man the same way. But he constantly accused me of having sex with every guy in town, masturbating relentlessly every single day, and telling me that he wanted me to change this and change that about myself. I was indescribably happy in this relationship initially, but after a bit of this I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I moved back out to Vegas to be with JR because I thought things had changed between us. We talked. We related. We romanced. Before I moved back, I became his fiancée. But things changed even before I got out there; I was on the bus heading out to Vegas when he already started acting up, getting all upset that I made a friend who had a penis on the three-day voyage out. He helped me with my bags and we talked about this and that, but it was nothing more. He came to pick me up and ended up choke holding my friend and slamming him to the ground before I got him to stop and leave.
It only got worse. After I got Lady Gaga’s The Fame Monster album, it inspired me so much that I got a pen, I got some paper, and I started writing. When I wanted to start doing drugs again to deal with my pain, I wrote instead. I wrote song after song when I was upset or happy, it didn’t matter. It was my therapy. It helped me to feel calmness in my life, truly one of the first times in my tumultuous life so far. I love to sing, and I highly intend to put music to my lyrics and start performing. How can I be half alive if I am doing that? I am finally expressing myself for the first time in years, getting out all of the years of torment I have been through so far, and letting it go. Lady Gaga inspired me to do that. That is what has helped me to live. I may have been half alive before, but thanks to Gaga, I’m getting rid of all of the baggage, becoming stronger, and actually living.
“Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood.” -Oscar Wilde
Subterfuge 