From The Onion News Network:
I read them and feel… burning. Burn out. Sadness.
My eyes have been burning, for how long I’m not sure. I haven’t been taking my medication as prescribed. I could say it’s not entirely my fault, and that might even be true, but the point is that I haven’t been sleeping well, haven’t been eating well, and, *sigh* haven’t been feeling well.
I’ve been holing up in my room, mostly rolling around in my imagination. I’ve been missing days at the social rec center, which is the only piece of structure I have right now. I’ve been skipping out on Saturdays at the local clay studio, and I haven’t been telling D, the man who runs the clay studio, that some of the things he’s been saying sound too friendly.
I’ve been thinking, maybe I don’t want a relationship.
Not right now, anyway. I’m happy. I’m happy with what I’ve got, which is a lot: school, intrinsically rewarding volunteering in my field of choice, paid employment that doesn’t involve morally or socially reprehensible activities (such as drug trafficking, prostitution, or one of those phone-fundraisers who call you at home when you’re broke to badger you for money that will go mostly towards maintaining the operation rather than supporting the cause) or insultingly mind-numbing (like working at a grocery store). I’ve got a really great friend, S, who enjoys watching my favorite shows with me and not only allows me to narrate or interject on the action or sequence of events, but gladly partakes in the discussion while we pause the show. We can talk about anything, whether trivial or deep, including everything I post here and the few things I haven’t got the balls to post here.
You see, I believe, in my heart of hearts, that I will know the man (or person?) I’m meant to be with when I meet him. The phrasing of that sentence is wrong… I don’t mean ‘meant’, precisely. More like, I will know the person who suits me best when I find him.
There are, of course, several major problems with this idea.
- I will never find him if I do not ‘put myself out there,’ as people like to say.
- This assumes that there is someone out there is a really excellent fit for me.
- This also assumes that I am at all capable of recognizing him.
- It says nothing about his ability to recognize me, or if I will be good for him, or if our situations will allow us to be together without major drama.
Mingle2 informed me that someone wanted to meet me. Warily, I clicked.
He’s a 52 year old divorcee who’s learning to use the computer, oh, and his kids live at home. Way to go, dude, hitting on a woman half your age. I bet your kids will appreciate that.
Then I saw that I had some messages. With trepidation, I opened them.
Message One: ATTACK OF THE UPPERCASE EVERYTHING. BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS REQUIRED FOR ONLINE COMMUNICATION.
Hello, male-species person. Maybe I wasn’t clear on my profile. I am looking for a girlfriend. I am NOT LOOKING FOR A GUY–not for a relationship, friendship, pen-pal, casual sex partner, or anything. You and your kind need to learn how to take a hint. Yes I identify as bisexual and yes I even identified as such on my profile, but I also specified on my profile that I am looking for women–women who like women, who are single, who are near me, etc. etc. YOU ARE NOT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR. No matter how great you may (or may not…) be, I AM STILL NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU, because I was very clear and you chose to ignore that for one or more of several reasons, which I speculate include, but are not limited to:
Alikewise.com is a brand spankin’ new dating site still in beta. Your profile is comprised of books you’ve read, and “what this book means to you. Make it personal!” Not a bad concept, reading lists are very important, especially if you’re a big reader.
Unfortunately, Alikewise has some shortcomings. Foremost among them: there’s nobody there, yet. The nearest guy is an hour away. And he’s the only one. If I change my ZIP code to the two nearest big cities, I find ONE in Philadelphia, and New York has a grand total of 30 (11 in my preferred age range). Erm? I know the site is a baby, but this is really tiny. New York is the home of the founders, so it’s to be assumed that it would have the most profiles when starting up. The number of women is roughly equally, but it’s a dauntingly tiny pool.