Posts tagged ‘relationships’

January 8, 2011

Please stop breathing down my neck.

by f

I hate it when W comes over my house.

My parents like having him over because he does stuff around the house. Shelf to be installed? Brother to tutor? Opinion to be solicited? W’s their man. Whenever he makes his once-a-month weekend stay at our place, the family monopolizes him. That’s great.

My mother makes things very difficult for me while he’s here. I cannot talk to him or engage with him in any meaningful way. My every action is scrutinized. Not even a single moment of mine goes noticed, nor a single detail. My mother is meticulous and doesn’t let any of that go. It’s a blistering silent interrogation process so horrible I can’t even begin to describe it.

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December 1, 2010

Fear, Faith, and Forgiveness: My Journey Through PTSD and Depression/ Nov. 2010

by feyruhan
Land of dreams: Temple of Forgiveness

Image by arno gourdol via Flickr

I’ve been wanting to contribute something new.  A new post, that is.  I’ve chosen to fall into a cycle of never-before-told post followed by a more current one, and now it’s been turn for a current post.  I’ve been working on a few different things, and they each have their merits, but I’m a bit stuck in each of them, in their own respective ways.

So, I’m going to write about my process of creating, and transforming, meaning in my life.  Let me be clear, because I won’t mention this again in this post: this is my process.  This is what has worked for me.  This is how I work.  This is not how I think everyone else operates, or should operate, or needs to operate.  If in reading this you feel that I have set unreasonable guidelines, I’m sorry.  It is not my intention to set guidelines for others, reasonable or not.  I’m merely using this space to explore and express my own experiences, and perhaps contribute my small part to the larger discussion.  That’s all.

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August 25, 2010

Covenant Marriage: No Way Out

by V
Groom and bride

via Flickr

Do you remember when the anti-marriage equality crowd began to thump hard on the idea that the legalization of gay marriage would ruin the institution of mixed-sex marriage? One thing that many who did not agree with that said was that divorce does worse for marriage than allowing same-sex marriage would. Most anti-equality activists didn’t want to touch that. They mostly just said that yes, that was true, and that was why same-sex marriage shouldn’t be implemented, it would further weaken “traditional” marriage. They didn’t want to come out against divorce completely, presumably because there are so many of their own — in their families, their friends, even congregations in their churches — who had been through a divorce. Nobody wants to be told they might not be able to get out of a bad marriage should that marriage end up being a bad one, no matter how little they wish to admit it. And, they didn’t want to come out in favor of it, either, because that went against the Bible they liked to beat others over the head with.

Well, I’ve just recently heard of a movement that changes that. Apparently, it’s not a relatively new movement, but it’s new to me. And it may be gaining a bit of traction. There is a movement to implement covenant marriage in states. One thing that should be noted is that this is not really a banning of divorce, despite what some may say or despite what my post title suggests. However, it does severely limit the grounds for divorce. Mostly it seems that the grounds are as follows:

  • Your spouse is convicted of a felony that requires jail time
  • Adultery
  • Abuse

That’s it. Now, of course, if you move to a state that does not recognize covenant marriage, you can file for divorce without worrying about it. But, if your state does recognize covenant marriages and you are in a covenant marriage, you are probably screwed unless one of the above is there.

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August 24, 2010

“I feel as if I am standing on a giant precipice, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up…”

by dahliarosemonroe

The week before last my boyfriend SB and I had a blowing out where he lied to me to get the combo to my room. He took all of his stuff out without telling me. This led to me being incredibly pissed off and heartbroken. I actually took a personal day from work to go spend it at my Mom’s so I could escape for a little while because I was so hurt.

We decided that living together in that small room was too much for us, and his financial issues were not at the right level for him to contribute fairly and still be happy. Plus, we acknowledged that us living together after barely a week of dating was not the best idea. After that cathartic talk with him, I felt like the slate was wiped clean, and we could get back to the awesome relationship we have had in the past.

Not so, it seems. In fact, I feel more upset. I thought living apart for a while and saving for own apartment would bring back the romance we had initially. I hoped we would go out on more “dates” and that he would value me. It turned out to be the exact opposite – or at least that’s how I feel.

Yes, he will come over and call now and then, be he comes over just to get a vacation from his parents/family. He knows I will take extremely good care of him. (Either that or he just wants to get laid.) He comes over and says that he missed me and he’ll hug me and hold my hands and all of that, I will give him that. Honestly, I feel like I am just an insignificant sidenote on his life as of right now. And that bothers me so much that I want to cry and I just feel heartbroken. I’ve always tried to put 100% into our relationship, but I feel like I get less and less.

And last night, it became glaringly apparent.

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August 21, 2010

Why can’t she just marry a man? And other dumb questions.

by special correspondent

[this special correspondent post is brought to you by the letters F and V.]

V says this about the Thinking Housewife’s latest diatribe on same-sex marriage:

Lesbians aren’t lesbians just because they don’t think men are worth the air that they breathe. They’re lesbians because they simply aren’t attracted to men. Just like Laura probably isn’t attracted to women. It’s that simple. And, just because you are smiling in the face of an achievement doesn’t mean that you go around smiling ALL the time, that you never suffer when society decides to treat you like a second-class citizen.

The denial of shared medical insurance doesn’t make a person suffer? I think it most certainly can and often does cause people to suffer, financially at the very least.

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August 16, 2010

Fingers / July ’06

by feyruhan

Thief of Emotions

I’m wanting, now that I’ve been away and reading; but only mildly so, and besides there’s my cycles to consider.  Never mind that he doesn’t care, but I do, though I can’t say why, except that it’s disgusting to think of; and if I don’t care to do it now, what with my cycles, then I’ll not do it now, what with my cycles- and I’ll leave it at that.

I’m worried that my appetite is unhealthily lacking; it’s been that way for a very long while.  I remember cravings when I was younger- fifteen, sixteen- a number of occasions I could count on one hand when I truly wanted.

I want to go to a… woman’s doctor.  To check some things, nothing particular, nothing to worry, just to make sure all is right in that place where the sun doesn’t shine. 

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August 12, 2010

Dog Days Are Gone

by f

I feel awful that this song by Florence and the Machine, Dog Days are Gone has been co-opted by the Eat Pray Love cabal. My hatred for Eat Pray Love is a pretty open secret, but somehow I can’t get the Florence and the Machine song out of my head.

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August 11, 2010

Apparently, Feminists Fuck Better

by f

Good ol' Ashley Judd., while being a source of endless amusement, is a place where my eyes get opened constantly. We’ve written about how we’d do Cracked if only it had a penis. (Instead of, you know, thirty.)

Their recent story on sex myths highlights a Rutgers study that challenges most preconceptions of feminists and romance. According to the Science Daily:

The authors [of this study] also tested the validity of feminist stereotypical beliefs amongst their two samples, based on the hypothesis that if feminist stereotypes are accurate, then feminist women should be more likely to report themselves as being single, lesbian, or sexually unattractive, compared with non-feminist women.

Rudman and Phelan found no support for this hypothesis amongst their study participants. In fact, feminist women were more likely to be in a heterosexual romantic relationship than non-feminist women. The authors conclude that feminist stereotypes appear to be inaccurate, and therefore their unfavorable implications for relationships are also likely to be unfounded.

Feminist-bashing is a popular exercise. Much is made about how they want to reject relationships, romance. According to conservatives, feminist women want to be asexual men, devoid of gender but masculine in drive and ambition. But that’s obviously not the whole story. Life has this funny habit of defying expectations and making stereotypes look as cruel and as stupid as they really are.

August 10, 2010

A Fond Farewell to 18 Shithole St.

by f

18 Shithole St

Oh, 18 Shithole Street. I give you a fond farewell.

Yes, you stink like shit. No, really, you reek. You’re worse than a monkey’s backside. (Don’t ask me how I know that. It’s a disturbing story I’ll never be able to live down, and it involves a series of pranks I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.)

Your taps leak. The sound is drawn out torture. Particularly when W and I are having sex.

The smell of garbage never goes away even when we stay inside with the door closed. The neighbors pile it gleefully on the curb. Never-ending chicken dinners turn into rot in the hot sun, and then into leachate in the rain.

Your bathroom is always wet. It’s saturated with piss and shit and hard water. The mirror light is way harsh. I always look like warmed-over Death and a nasty date with a Silver Patron or five.

Don’t get me started on your kitchen. No matter what we do to it, W and I catch the centipedes. So many goddamn centipedes. In the sink. In the garbage. Scuttling across the floor. Running for the carob powder. (I absolutely don’t recommend carob powder.)

But I am sad. I’m sad to leave you.

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August 10, 2010

Woman seeking woman. Men need not apply/ August ’10

by feyruhan


Hello, male-species person.  Maybe I wasn’t clear on my profile.  I am looking for a girlfriend.  I am NOT LOOKING FOR A GUY–not for a relationship, friendship, pen-pal, casual sex partner, or anything.  You and your kind need to learn how to take a hint.  Yes I identify as bisexual and yes I even identified as such on my profile, but I also specified on my profile that I am looking for women–women who like women, who are single, who are near me, etc. etc.  YOU ARE NOT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR.  No matter how great you may (or may not…) be, I AM STILL NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU, because I was very clear and you chose to ignore that for one or more of several reasons, which I speculate include, but are not limited to:

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