Author Archive

September 4, 2010

Thank You for Ten Years of Awesomeness

by special correspondent

This isn't him, his hair was WAY brighter.

Dear Scott,
(aka, highlighter head, Apollo’s Beard, man with two or fewer brain cells…)

We have debated writing or sending you this letter for a very long time. Ten years, in fact.

Each time we thought we should send you this letter, we were put off by the thought that your obnoxious self would read it. But the older and more awesome our friendship grew, the more we realized we couldn’t let your stupidity get in the way of our gratitude.

You see, we need to thank you for being the catalyst of our friendship. It was you, ten years ago, who brought us together.

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August 21, 2010

Why can’t she just marry a man? And other dumb questions.

by special correspondent

[this special correspondent post is brought to you by the letters F and V.]

V says this about the Thinking Housewife’s latest diatribe on same-sex marriage:

Lesbians aren’t lesbians just because they don’t think men are worth the air that they breathe. They’re lesbians because they simply aren’t attracted to men. Just like Laura probably isn’t attracted to women. It’s that simple. And, just because you are smiling in the face of an achievement doesn’t mean that you go around smiling ALL the time, that you never suffer when society decides to treat you like a second-class citizen.

The denial of shared medical insurance doesn’t make a person suffer? I think it most certainly can and often does cause people to suffer, financially at the very least.

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July 25, 2010

On (Jersey) Accents

by special correspondent

(by f & DRM)

We have always wondered where accents come from. What differentiates, say, a Jersey accent from a Brooklyn one? Or a Southern accent from a Boston accent from a Valley Girl’s speech? Different groups of immigrants, a variety of loan words from other languages, and cultural specificity creates distinct language and sound patterns across the country.

However, there is no accent more dear to us than the Jersey accent. Often put up for ridicule in shows like Jersey Shore and the Sopranos, it’s an interesting beast. Not quite the New York accent (come on, ask someone from Brooklyn to say fuggedaboutit, you know you want to!) it’s a more laid-back animal. “Water” is like “wudder” and “Orange” — as pronounced “Ah-RAHNGE” — becomes “Aww-RUNGE”. It’s thoroughly unsophisticated, fits crudeness like a glove, and stands rough around the edges. According to us, it’s the funnest accent in the world, if only because it’s the only appropriate one to use when telling a motherfucker in a Cadillac to do some anatomically impossible things to himself.

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June 30, 2010

Our first Special Correspondent Post: Background Noise I Could Do Without

by special correspondent

Hi, Subterfuge readers. Today we welcome our first special correspondent, T.
❤ your editors, D & F

I started dating a great new guy this week, let’s call him P. I’ve been talking to him for over a month, and we finally met in person the past week. He’s nice, sweet, and speaks with an accent. The accent isn’t from some exotic locale, but because P is deaf. He can hear with the use of hearing aids and fills in what he can’t catch with lip reading. This doesn’t bother me at all: just an excuse to learn some sign language on top of being around someone wonderful. To me, it’s just another interesting thing about him.

While talking about P, I mention that he is deaf/hard of hearing, that he can hear using hearing aids, and that he has an interesting accent because of it. I don’t really think much of it because it’s just a basic, interesting fact about him. Sometimes people have a question or two about it, I answer them, and the conversation goes its merry way. However, something I’m noticing is that some people /pity/ me for this, and they feel bad that this guy I’m seeing is marred significantly by the fact he has trouble hearing. I can’t stand it.

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