Archive for ‘relationships’

July 5, 2011

The Magazine – July 2011

by d

Original photograph by mrhayaka // Flickr

Letting the sun shine in…

Summer is at last in full swing, and so are we. We begin July with our feet planted more firmly. Our schedule is coming together, and we are picking up new writers. We’re still tinkering with the site, enabling ratings on posts and comments and a front page that highlights content in a more organized fashion.

June saw a great outpouring of deeply emotive entries. We were pleased and outraged, victorious and shaken, in love and alone. The political sphere mirrored our ups and downs, with a nail-biting lead-up to New York state passing legislation to permit same-sex marriages, followed by a similar passage in Rhode Island.

We’re looking forward to more break-throughs and more soul sharing this summer. Join us!

Featured this July…

Beautiful

1106_beautifulI’ve heard you refer to me as your amazing girlfriend, and I have to admit I’m afraid of not living up to the hype.

 

Vogue Italia Understands
Plus-Size

1106_vogueplusPay attention, New York. This is how you do it.

 

I need a breath of Oxygen

1106_oxygenWhen I look at “women’s magazines” I see one message front and center, every time: buy.

 

Pulling at the Strings

1106_pullingatthestringsMy therapist says I need to keep a journal, a documentation of how my days go by so that I have a dependable source to look back to.

 

Eat Cheap Shit:
A revolutionary cook

1106_revolutionarycookWhenever I want comfort food, whenever I think about wanting comfort food, I grab Tarla Dalal’s recipes from an obscure kitchen drawer.

 

Preventing the Collapse Of My Mental Health

1106_mentalhealthI look at my point-of-view of situations in my life, and I ask myself, “Is it paranoia? Or is it real?”

 

Being Fired

1106_firedGetting fired, for whatever reason, blows. Blows chunks. The news is like a well-placed punch. It can make you reel for hours and days.


Mother’s Milk

1106_mothersmilkI’ve just finished watching an episode of a favorite show; and I’m… sad.

 

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March 5, 2011

Charlie Sheen’s Mysogyny

by d

…is tolerated as part of a larger cultural misogyny. Anne Holmes, creator of Jezebel, has an excellent opinion piece in the New York Times called The Disposable Woman.

Holmes demonstrates how Charlie Sheen‘s record of lashing out and being abusive toward the women in his life has been tolerated, even affectionately joked about, by the media at large. Part of the problem, she argues, is the sort of women he’s been involved with.

But there’s something else at work here: the seeming imperfection of Mr. Sheen’s numerous accusers. The women are of a type, which is to say, highly unsympathetic. Some are sex workers — pornographic film stars and escorts — whose compliance with churlish conduct is assumed to be part of the deal. (For the record: It is not.)

Holmes goes on to point out how the exploitation and debasement of women has become a normal part of reality TV culture.

Honestly, there are so many great quotes and arguments in this piece, I can’t possibly pull them all.

Read it for yourself at the NYT.

February 28, 2011

Tearing at the Roots/ Dec. 2006

by feyruhan
Dust bunnies

Image via Wikipedia

Breathe.  Stop.  Let it sink in.

My room is a mess of small clutters.  Papers, cables, boxes filled to the brim but not yet sealed; never sealed. Could I ever seal them? I’m getting whiny and should stop.

Move-out is in eight and a half hours. Dad will come by with a truck from the store and give me an encouraging hug before getting to work.  I can’t expect much from him, but I can expect something, and it’s more than Mom will offer.

The walls are bare; painted a dusty light-blue, the wall along my bed–at my back–cluttered with small cards, a poster, train tickets.  I should take these down, but I won’t, not yet, not until the very last hour.  I will carry them with me, and these walls, and this dust, and this oppressive air, and the sourness between the woman who is my mother and myself.

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February 25, 2011

In Your Arms, I Am Home

by feyruhan
For Fey’s linked post, Waiting, please go here.
DSC06803

Image via Wikipedia

My home is in your arms. My home, is in your arms.  I am at home when I am in your arms, and when you are away I can’t help but be homesick.

How can a person be a home?  How can a person be a home, when a home is walls, and doors, and windows and portraits, and furniture, and so much baggage?  You are my home; you are my furniture, my windows, my doors, and my portraits.  You are the baggage I carry around, waiting to be found, by you.

The heart of it is that I’ve been lonely, a long time now.  Maybe I’m hungry, or horny; I could say I’m tired.  And, sure enough, all those things would be true.  I’m listening to a song that breaks my heart, because feeling my heart break is the best I can do.  It’s the most I can manage.  It’s hard to simulate solace when there’s no one around.

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February 22, 2011

A question of freedom

by f

Flickr, via Jim Linwood

My friend S’s hit a rough patch. On our way home from the city today, we talked a little about it. Then, she asked me a startling question:

“Which would you rather have,” she asked, “personal freedom, or financial freedom?”

I asked her what she meant by that.

“I have financial freedom,” she said, “and you have a certain degree of personal freedom. You can go and do what you like during the day when your folks aren’t around to interfere.”

“I guess I do,” I said, staring out into the highway abyss.

S has financial freedom, but work eats up her time. She’s on call throughout. I don’t have those constraints. I can tell work to fuck off. And often, I do.

But I don’t have any money. I am always at my parents’ beck and call. They can trash me, my things, denigrate me in public, and use me as a whipping post. They interrupt me constantly. On weekends and the days that I are home, I feel so miserable I can’t think. I have to beg for permission to do anything.

Often, my privileges are taken away on a whim. I am subject to an insane level of scrutiny because I live at home. I earn enough to have small bursts of spending money, but not enough even to afford a small room to myself, and that is how I fund my daily activities. Anything beyond that, I can’t help myself.

So what kind of life do I prefer? Uncertainty but day-to-day contentment? Or security and general dissatisfaction?

I often thought to myself that I’d trade the small bursts of free happiness for a life of security. Now, I’m just not sure what I want. I have no idea how to answer that question.

However, it’s made me think a lot about my daily activities and how I live my life. I know I’m unusual. I fill my time with people that I like and do things I want, but I have very little material freedom.

*

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February 21, 2011

Planned Parenthood is not synonymous with abortion

by d
Picture Of Ortho Tri-Cyclen oral contraceptive...

Image via Wikipedia

Planned Parenthood has a really descriptive name. It does exactly what the name implies. We don’t talk much about “family planning” these days, and we should.

Before modern science kicked in, conception was, for the most part, a game of roulette. Folk remedies and leather condoms weren’t nearly as effective as people wanted them to be, but they kept trying. All it took was some observation and life experience to see how inconvenient–and dangerous–the lack of control could be.

When a woman gives birth too young, she and the child suffer. (18 is the minimum recommended.) If she has children too close together, she and both children can suffer. Doctors and midwives knew these things; parents knew them. But what do you say to a couple who have had the number of children they want? Spend the rest of your lives together in separate beds? More babies happened.

Margaret Sanger, Planned Parenthood’s first president, was a remarkable woman who saw the effect this had on people, particularly poor people and women. She also saw this suffering as, at best, unnecessary. At worst, it was a deliberate means of keeping women in subjugation.

In 1912, after a fire destroyed the home that William designed, the Sanger family moved back to New York City, where Margaret went to work in the East Side slums of Manhattan. That same year, she also started writing a column for the New York Call entitled “What Every Girl Should Know.” Distributing a pamphlet, Family Limitation, to women, Sanger repeatedly caused scandal and risked imprisonment by acting in defiance of the Comstock Law of 1873, which outlawed as obscene the dissemination of contraceptive information and devices.

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January 7, 2011

Pretty Little Liars: New Years Fireworks

by d

NOTE: Hard to keep a secret in a photo booth.

Subterfuge reviews ABC Family‘s Pretty Little Liars, complete with actresses too old to be high schoolers. Season 2, episode 1, “Moments Later.”

It’s back, and they started with a bang! Technically, last season ended with a bang, too–Hannah being hit by a car.

Here is what is relevant for our feminist readers:

1) Emily told her father she’s gay.

Her father, who has been on active duty for ages and just returned home a few weeks ago, could be a hard-line military man. He goes in to ask her what’s bothering her, thinking it’s to do with a boy who’s gotten himself into trouble. Because he won’t leave her alone, gotta protect his little girl, he can see that she’s afraid of something… she tells him. He sits down on her bed, clearly shocked, and the scene cuts.

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January 6, 2011

Femme Funnies: The Little Adventures of Penis & Vagina

by d

Some really adorable cartoons to enjoy! Click Read More to see another two.

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January 5, 2011

Waiting/ April 2010

by feyruhan
She's Been Waiting

“Kiss me or fuck me, I can’t take it anymore.”

I did neither.

***

I watch my reflection in the windows of the bank as the bus drives away; I see a girl in a blue shirt, dark hair tied up.  We hit the second street corner and an announcement for tickets to this summer’s big event comes on the speaker, as usual.

“You go all the way around the state before you get to the point,” I remember my friend telling me.  She was laughing but, still, it hurt a little.

[Long pause in journaling]

“How do you know I’m ready?”

“Your body’s ready.”

“I’m almost twenty-three, my body better be ready.”

[Pause in journaling]

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January 3, 2011

A Heroine of Another Weight

by d

Desire Me (detail)It seems romance writers are more progressive than modelling agencies.

Sarah at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books has just posted an entry about the changes in physical descriptions of heroines in romance novels over time.

My first encounters with female beauty in books was, as @joyabella noted when I asked this question on Twitter, the Wakefield twins. So many women found their gateway to romance in Sweet Valley High, and that gateway came with the constantly repeated and thus unfortunately inculcated reference to the “perfect size six figure.”

First, let me say on behalf of every woman with breasts and a backside: Fuck you and your six.

(Have I mentioned that I ADORE the Smart Bitches? Because I do, oh so much.)

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