Archive for ‘friendships’

February 28, 2011

Tearing at the Roots/ Dec. 2006

by feyruhan
Dust bunnies

Image via Wikipedia

Breathe.  Stop.  Let it sink in.

My room is a mess of small clutters.  Papers, cables, boxes filled to the brim but not yet sealed; never sealed. Could I ever seal them? I’m getting whiny and should stop.

Move-out is in eight and a half hours. Dad will come by with a truck from the store and give me an encouraging hug before getting to work.  I can’t expect much from him, but I can expect something, and it’s more than Mom will offer.

The walls are bare; painted a dusty light-blue, the wall along my bed–at my back–cluttered with small cards, a poster, train tickets.  I should take these down, but I won’t, not yet, not until the very last hour.  I will carry them with me, and these walls, and this dust, and this oppressive air, and the sourness between the woman who is my mother and myself.

read more »

February 25, 2011

In Your Arms, I Am Home

by feyruhan
For Fey’s linked post, Waiting, please go here.
DSC06803

Image via Wikipedia

My home is in your arms. My home, is in your arms.  I am at home when I am in your arms, and when you are away I can’t help but be homesick.

How can a person be a home?  How can a person be a home, when a home is walls, and doors, and windows and portraits, and furniture, and so much baggage?  You are my home; you are my furniture, my windows, my doors, and my portraits.  You are the baggage I carry around, waiting to be found, by you.

The heart of it is that I’ve been lonely, a long time now.  Maybe I’m hungry, or horny; I could say I’m tired.  And, sure enough, all those things would be true.  I’m listening to a song that breaks my heart, because feeling my heart break is the best I can do.  It’s the most I can manage.  It’s hard to simulate solace when there’s no one around.

read more »

February 22, 2011

A question of freedom

by f

Flickr, via Jim Linwood

My friend S’s hit a rough patch. On our way home from the city today, we talked a little about it. Then, she asked me a startling question:

“Which would you rather have,” she asked, “personal freedom, or financial freedom?”

I asked her what she meant by that.

“I have financial freedom,” she said, “and you have a certain degree of personal freedom. You can go and do what you like during the day when your folks aren’t around to interfere.”

“I guess I do,” I said, staring out into the highway abyss.

S has financial freedom, but work eats up her time. She’s on call throughout. I don’t have those constraints. I can tell work to fuck off. And often, I do.

But I don’t have any money. I am always at my parents’ beck and call. They can trash me, my things, denigrate me in public, and use me as a whipping post. They interrupt me constantly. On weekends and the days that I are home, I feel so miserable I can’t think. I have to beg for permission to do anything.

Often, my privileges are taken away on a whim. I am subject to an insane level of scrutiny because I live at home. I earn enough to have small bursts of spending money, but not enough even to afford a small room to myself, and that is how I fund my daily activities. Anything beyond that, I can’t help myself.

So what kind of life do I prefer? Uncertainty but day-to-day contentment? Or security and general dissatisfaction?

I often thought to myself that I’d trade the small bursts of free happiness for a life of security. Now, I’m just not sure what I want. I have no idea how to answer that question.

However, it’s made me think a lot about my daily activities and how I live my life. I know I’m unusual. I fill my time with people that I like and do things I want, but I have very little material freedom.

*

read more »

January 7, 2011

Pretty Little Liars: New Years Fireworks

by d

NOTE: Hard to keep a secret in a photo booth.

Subterfuge reviews ABC Family‘s Pretty Little Liars, complete with actresses too old to be high schoolers. Season 2, episode 1, “Moments Later.”

It’s back, and they started with a bang! Technically, last season ended with a bang, too–Hannah being hit by a car.

Here is what is relevant for our feminist readers:

1) Emily told her father she’s gay.

Her father, who has been on active duty for ages and just returned home a few weeks ago, could be a hard-line military man. He goes in to ask her what’s bothering her, thinking it’s to do with a boy who’s gotten himself into trouble. Because he won’t leave her alone, gotta protect his little girl, he can see that she’s afraid of something… she tells him. He sits down on her bed, clearly shocked, and the scene cuts.

read more »

December 28, 2010

Ask Agony Aunties: Grown Apart, But Not Far Enough

by d
Friendship love and truth

Image via Wikipedia

As we don’t have an advice columnist, we’ll do the reverse. Contributors can ask a question and receive advice from readers. This is a more structured call-and-response system that the usual comments.

The course of true friendship never did run smooth.

Especially since I’m not sure if this is a friendship anymore.

I have a dilemma. I have a friend I have known since the early days of elementary school. Now we only see each other once a year, and this was fine until recently. About a year or two ago, she did something I still cannot entirely forgive. It’s not something she did to me, but to people I know. It makes me angry to think of it, and I really don’t think I want to spend any more time with her.

If it were just me, I would let the friendship peter out, as it seems it one day will. But I cannot get out of this once-a-year meetup. Our families mesh well, it’s a group event.

So, what do I do this year?

read more »

December 24, 2010

This has to be fake.

by f

courtesy Postsecret Favorites via Flickr

Read: “I want an Arranged Marriage”.

No, you don’t.

No, you don’t want an arranged marriage.

(I understand it’s an emotional argument to make. I also understand that I can’t make blanket statements. I am going to violate every cardinal rule of argument or political correctness — you know, that convention that prevents us social anthropologists from saying that one tradition is inherently better than the other.)

The writer has chosen not to reveal her name. This is smart. She is clearly confused and her thoughts are badly organized. If she gave her real name, she would have been pilloried across the internet.

This story was a mishmash of disjointed orientalist stereotypes, and it should not have been run. I love the Frisky’s GirlTalk segments as a rule, but this is awful. I hope against hope that this doesn’t turn into a farce of Gilbert-style proportions.

read more »

December 22, 2010

Sex Tapes

by f

After it gets around to Princess that I am fucking her brother, she starts to tell me things in confidence.

I wish she wouldn’t (it’s pretty clear what I feel about her, and that feeling can be summed up in a few unprintable names) but it is a late night at the old Indian homestead. The lizards hump the fluorescent lightbulbs in the damp evening as we begin to talk. Our parents are already either sleeping or watching television so it’s just the two of us after dinner, disinterested in bombastic serials.

Princess is beautiful. I’ve mentioned it before, but I have to keep mentioning it. I say this as someone who is not a very visual person; her beauty is so profound that I get struck dumb by it. I understand what it means when otherwise strong men declare beauty as their point of weakness. For me it is an anchor that allows me to look past the voice and the affected mannerisms, that makes me eager to hear what she has to say. She is like Ernie’s enigmatic Lola from Hey Arnold, standing on the street corner in her pristine dress, looking into the horizon with liquid eyes.

read more »

November 17, 2010

A Royal Rush to the Altar

by d
The Badge of the House of Windsor (the ruling ...

Image via Wikipedia

It’s finally been made official: Kate Middleton and Prince William of Wales are getting married. You know what that means, don’t you?

WEDDING FEVER!

Even better:

PRINCESS WEDDING FEVER!

I can see it coming on the horizon, and I want it to stop before it even starts.

When Prince Charles of Wales became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, the world swooned. The crown prince, marrying a might-as-well-be commoner! And wasn’t she just so beautiful and gracious? What a kind heart! She became a media darling, and their wedding–a lavish affair by any standard–was watched by 750 million people worldwide. It was a fairy tale come true.

Well, we all know how that turned out. It was essentially a marriage built on rocky ground that went against Charles’ prior affection for another woman, and the marriage ended in divorce–SCANDAL! The world was so terribly sad–but they did so love Diana! That adoration didn’t do much to help Diana herself, though. And it all ended in tragedy, the princess dying in a car crash in France. (Conspiracy theories abound, but it was probably just alcohol.)

Everyone loves a good story, and we love to romanticize anything with a hint of fairy tale. We turned Diana into Cinderella though true love evaded her. What will we do with Kate Middleton, who has had eight years of love and friendship to solidify her match with William and decide for herself whether or not she is ready to take on the role of princess–perhaps someday queen.

The wedding will be this coming spring or summer and already people are speculating. What will Kate wear? Where will it be held? How big will it be? What flowers? How much will it all cost? Will her shoes be a gift from a designer? Will she wear jewels from the royal collection? (Her engagement ring was Diana’s engagement ring and jewelers are already inundated with orders.)

You know what? I DON’T CARE (that much). I’m interested, I admit. I will look for the wedding photos after the event and ooh and aah with everyone else. But I DO NOT CARE enough(!) to spend the next 6+ months daydreaming, obsessing, and hunting down every tidbit of rumor the internet has to offer.

And you know the internet and the mainstream media will provide.

read more »

October 21, 2010

Hair Long Enough for My Fingers/ April 2010

by feyruhan
Sean&Sarah

We showered together, the last time I was at his house.  Monday?  Yes, Monday.  We showered together and then fooled around some more.  I felt a little overwhelmed in there–so close, so private, so… naked.  But he’s good to me, he makes me feel good.  He stops when I ask him to.  I’ve been wanting him; I want to be good to him, to take care of him.  The way he says my name… like he’s surprised, and grateful, that I try so hard, and yet so effortlessly, to be good to him.  I’ve never been so good to anyone before.  I’ve never wanted to be good to anyone.  Not like this.

read more »

Tags:
October 14, 2010

It Gets Better

by d

Dan Savage is one of my favorite people. I never miss a Savage Love column.

He is a gay man, in a long-term relationship with his partner. They have a son. They are a happy, stable, loving family.

But their lives weren’t always so pleasant.

And that is why Dan has founded the It Gets Better Project, to reach out to young people who feel hopeless. It is for LGBTQ kids, but also for anyone who has suffered bullying or public shaming. The message is simple, and heartfelt. It gets better. You won’t always in middle or high school, you won’t always live with a family that doesn’t understand. The plea is wrought with emotion: Stick around, don’t give up on life before it can get better!

Below the cut are embedded videos, amazing videos submitted by people who want to tell kids that it gets better. Or, watch them all here: http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject

http://www.itgetsbetterproject.com/

read more »

%d bloggers like this: