When the comments first started rolling in, we were still operating under old assumptions and worked from that point.
Now we’ve reread it critically and realized that what it actually says is not what we originally read it as. That’s our mistake. And it’s our fault for not treating it more responsibly.
We cannot keep this up so long as it has the potential to hurt another reader. However, the comments will remain on the post as taking them down would be dishonest.
Your editors are now taking a break from Subterfuge for the indeterminate future. We thank you for reading and we wish you all the best.
Due to points raised by commentators — for which we thank you — the editors here at Subterfuge are reviewing the post and the editorial process. We have striven to create a space where our contributors can be honest. We acknowledge that we neglected our editorial duties by not ensuring that the facts given in this opinion piece were backed up.We ask that new comments on this piece include recommendations for further reading and study.
A longer and more detailed response is coming.
Please believe us when we say that it has never been our intention to hurt. Mea culpa.
It’s finally been made official: Kate Middleton and Prince William of Wales are getting married. You know what that means, don’t you?
WEDDING FEVER!
Even better:
PRINCESS WEDDING FEVER!
I can see it coming on the horizon, and I want it to stop before it even starts.
When Prince Charles of Wales became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, the world swooned. The crown prince, marrying a might-as-well-be commoner! And wasn’t she just so beautiful and gracious? What a kind heart! She became a media darling, and their wedding–a lavish affair by any standard–was watched by 750 million people worldwide. It was a fairy tale come true.
Well, we all know how that turned out. It was essentially a marriage built on rocky ground that went against Charles’ prior affection for another woman, and the marriage ended in divorce–SCANDAL! The world was so terribly sad–but they did so love Diana! That adoration didn’t do much to help Diana herself, though. And it all ended in tragedy, the princess dying in a car crash in France. (Conspiracy theories abound, but it was probably just alcohol.)
Everyone loves a good story, and we love to romanticize anything with a hint of fairy tale. We turned Diana into Cinderella though true love evaded her. What will we do with Kate Middleton, who has had eight years of love and friendship to solidify her match with William and decide for herself whether or not she is ready to take on the role of princess–perhaps someday queen.
The wedding will be this coming spring or summer and already people are speculating. What will Kate wear? Where will it be held? How big will it be? What flowers? How much will it all cost? Will her shoes be a gift from a designer? Will she wear jewels from the royal collection? (Her engagement ring was Diana’s engagement ring and jewelers are already inundated with orders.)
You know what? I DON’T CARE (that much). I’m interested, I admit. I will look for the wedding photos after the event and ooh and aah with everyone else. But I DO NOT CARE enough(!) to spend the next 6+ months daydreaming, obsessing, and hunting down every tidbit of rumor the internet has to offer.
And you know the internet and the mainstream media will provide.
Paganism is often depicted as evil and Satanic, despite the prevalence of peace and equality throughout the majority of Pagan religions.
(A giant programming note: pagan religions are generally very peaceful. That’s not to say that there aren’t people who engage in “Devil worship” but these are usually not people who honestly believe in what they’re doing. They think they’re being rebels, they’re doing it to go against the grain, to shock people, and to rebel against their parents, society, their church, their school, whatever it is that they feel needs to be taken down a peg. They get their information from Hollywood and myths perpetrated by Christians. And the only way you can consider them to really be pagans is to use the broadest sense of the word “pagan” which is anything other than Christianity. Which also includes Hindus, Jews, and Buddhists among other non-Christian faiths.)
Oprah Winfrey dared speak the truth of her sexual abuse many years ago, giving millions of women permission to acknowledge their abuse. Today (Nov. 5) and next Friday (Nov. 12), Oprah has chosen to join forces with Tyler Perry to open doors for another huge group who need understanding and healing for the sexual abuse they’ve suffered: men. I honor the bravery and genius of Oprah and Tyler, who both dared to dream that they could help men heal by creating a safe enough place to tell their stories.
The sheer numbers of male survivors are staggering; according to most researchers, one in six men has been sexually abused by age 18. The estimates go up to one in four when you add in victims of covert non-contact abuse. Our culture teaches men to keep their abuse secret for many complex reasons. They learn that they aren’t supposed to be vulnerable; they learn they should be in control, so it’s impossible to be a victim; they might wrongly blame themselves for leading someone on; many mistakenly fear their abuse makes them gay or less masculine.
I wasn’t able to watch Friday’s episode, but I want to promote the next one. This is an incredibly important issue. Men face their own set of challenges when it comes to being abused, particularly sexually. Women have learned to become more vocal, but men are still encouraged to say nothing.
I’m not much for schmaltzy patriotism, but this video really got to me.
PostSecret is a public art project that asks people to anonymously send in postcards declaring a secret they have been unable to tell anyone else. A selection is posted online every Sunday, and several books have been published and art exhibits shown internationally.
This week, we were given a video bearing the secrets of military personnel, veterans, and their families.
In addition to bearing witness to our secrets, PostSecret is also dedicated to preventing suicide and self-harm.
You can learn more about submitting your secret, making a donation to 1-800-SUICIDE, and upcoming events at PostSecret.com
So, is it the fact that you have a sister that makes you happier? Is it just talking to a sister? Is it something about the way you treat a sister or the way she treats you?
Actually, Deborah Tannen of the NY Times theorizes that it is the quantity of talk that has such a big impact:
The usual answer — that girls and women are more likely than boys and men to talk about emotions — is somehow unsatisfying, especially to a researcher like me. Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women’s styles of friendship and conversation aren’t inherently better than men’s, simply different.
…
My own recent research about sisters suggests a more subtle dynamic. I interviewed more than 100 women about their sisters, but if they also had brothers, I asked them to compare. Most said they talked to their sisters more often, at greater length and, yes, about more personal topics. This often meant that they felt closer to their sisters, but not always.
I’m back again for (probably) the last installment of this running commentary on TTH’s Romancing a Feminist post. The URL for the actual post can be found here.
The URL for this particular portion of the comments can be found here.
If you’ve paid any attention to this year’s US elections you know that there is some crazy shit going down.
The stats tug my heart in different directions. We’ve seen record numbers of women filing to run for office, and the numbers remain high as we go into the elections next week. There are also way, way too many candidates who can best be described as anti-woman. And too many of them are themselves women.
The ‘anti-woman’ term is a loaded one, but here’s how we’re defining it today: anti-abortion, even in cases of rape or incest, or incestuous rape. This includes the likes of Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell, and, 79 others.
Also at stake are education and health care in general. Many candidates want to roll back both. Yes, the rumors you heard were true–more than one loon out there wants to disband the Department of Education. And they think so-called ObamaCare is going to destroy this country, never mind that it will provide maternity coverage and guarantee care for children with “pre-existing conditions.” Keeping women and children healthy and educated is pro-woman, pro-child, pro-humanity. These candidates are not.
The following is from her piece in Outlook India on the upsurge of Maoist activity in India, and what it means for capitalism in that country.
It was early spring, the sun was sharp, but still civilised. This is a terrible thing to have to say, but it’s true: you could smell the protest from a fair distance. It was the accumulated odour of a thousand human bodies that had been dehumanised, denied the basic necessities for human (or even animal) health and hygiene for years, if not a whole lifetime. Bodies that had been marinated in the refuse of our big cities, bodies that had no shelter from the harsh weather, no access to clean water, clean air, sanitation or medical care. No part of this great country, none of the supposedly progressive schemes, no single urban institution has been designed to accommodate them. Not the Jawaharlal Nehru National Urban Renewal Mission, not any other slum development, employment guarantee or welfare scheme. Not even the sewage system—they shit on top of it. They are shadow people, who live in the cracks that run between schemes and institutions. They sleep on the streets, eat on the streets, make love on the streets, give birth on the streets, are raped on the streets, cut their vegetables, wash their clothes, raise their children, live and die on the streets.
Subterfuge 