Posts tagged ‘mental health’

July 5, 2011

The Magazine – July 2011

by d

Original photograph by mrhayaka // Flickr

Letting the sun shine in…

Summer is at last in full swing, and so are we. We begin July with our feet planted more firmly. Our schedule is coming together, and we are picking up new writers. We’re still tinkering with the site, enabling ratings on posts and comments and a front page that highlights content in a more organized fashion.

June saw a great outpouring of deeply emotive entries. We were pleased and outraged, victorious and shaken, in love and alone. The political sphere mirrored our ups and downs, with a nail-biting lead-up to New York state passing legislation to permit same-sex marriages, followed by a similar passage in Rhode Island.

We’re looking forward to more break-throughs and more soul sharing this summer. Join us!

Featured this July…


1106_beautifulI’ve heard you refer to me as your amazing girlfriend, and I have to admit I’m afraid of not living up to the hype.


Vogue Italia Understands

1106_vogueplusPay attention, New York. This is how you do it.


I need a breath of Oxygen

1106_oxygenWhen I look at “women’s magazines” I see one message front and center, every time: buy.


Pulling at the Strings

1106_pullingatthestringsMy therapist says I need to keep a journal, a documentation of how my days go by so that I have a dependable source to look back to.


Eat Cheap Shit:
A revolutionary cook

1106_revolutionarycookWhenever I want comfort food, whenever I think about wanting comfort food, I grab Tarla Dalal’s recipes from an obscure kitchen drawer.


Preventing the Collapse Of My Mental Health

1106_mentalhealthI look at my point-of-view of situations in my life, and I ask myself, “Is it paranoia? Or is it real?”


Being Fired

1106_firedGetting fired, for whatever reason, blows. Blows chunks. The news is like a well-placed punch. It can make you reel for hours and days.

Mother’s Milk

1106_mothersmilkI’ve just finished watching an episode of a favorite show; and I’m… sad.


Get the best of Subterfuge delivered to you every month:


Subscribe in a reader

Email Subscription

December 1, 2010

Fear, Faith, and Forgiveness: My Journey Through PTSD and Depression/ Nov. 2010

by feyruhan
Land of dreams: Temple of Forgiveness

Image by arno gourdol via Flickr

I’ve been wanting to contribute something new.  A new post, that is.  I’ve chosen to fall into a cycle of never-before-told post followed by a more current one, and now it’s been turn for a current post.  I’ve been working on a few different things, and they each have their merits, but I’m a bit stuck in each of them, in their own respective ways.

So, I’m going to write about my process of creating, and transforming, meaning in my life.  Let me be clear, because I won’t mention this again in this post: this is my process.  This is what has worked for me.  This is how I work.  This is not how I think everyone else operates, or should operate, or needs to operate.  If in reading this you feel that I have set unreasonable guidelines, I’m sorry.  It is not my intention to set guidelines for others, reasonable or not.  I’m merely using this space to explore and express my own experiences, and perhaps contribute my small part to the larger discussion.  That’s all.

read more »

October 20, 2010

It’s a SAD time of year

by d
A 30 kHz bright light therapy lamp (Innosol Ro...

Artificial light boxes can help. Image via Wikipedia

If there was any doubt about whether or not I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) it’s gone now. I haven’t been feeling at all good the past few weeks. I go on medication for it, but it doesn’t seem to be working this year. It may be because I’m on an anonymous generic (which are NOT 100% identical to brand drugs, they’re morel like mirror images). I’ve called my doctor and a brand-specific Rx is on its way. We’ll see if that helps.

It was bad yesterday. Rain, lots of it. Enough to fuck with my brain. A real flashback to high school, when I first encountered clinical depression. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t concentrate. I just wanted to stare at silly TV or curl up with a bad book, anything but be an active participant in my life. My life seemed far too overwhelming. My life is certainly a bit scattered, pulling me in several directions at once, but it’s nothing a healthy person would be unable to handle. Up until now, I was handling it.

Today, the sun is shining. I was awake, I was happy, able to joke with the friend who gives me a ride to work. Subdued was no longer a word to describe me.

It’s that simple. Sun vs. no sun. Light, energy, motivation. Ironically, I avoid direct sunlight as much as possible, partly because I have fair skin and partly because I just do not like the heat and exposure. I may have to change that. 

read more »

September 15, 2010

Dry Eyes, Dry Brain, Dry Heart/ Fall ’09

by feyruhan

dry and thorny #5In journal entries to my mother I am cruel.  I am to the point.  I am exacting vengeance.

I read them and feel… burning.  Burn out.  Sadness.

My eyes have been burning, for how long I’m not sure.  I haven’t been taking my medication as prescribed.  I could say it’s not entirely my fault, and that might even be true, but the point is that I haven’t been sleeping well, haven’t been eating well, and, *sigh* haven’t been feeling well.

I’ve been holing up in my room, mostly rolling around in my imagination.  I’ve been missing days at the social rec center, which is the only piece of structure I have right now.  I’ve been skipping out on Saturdays at the local clay studio, and I haven’t been telling D, the man who runs the clay studio, that some of the things he’s been saying sound too friendly.

read more »

%d bloggers like this: