Soap Operas and the Key to Shitty Relationships

by f

Courtesy of Yahoo! India

I hate Indian soap operas. If I ever hear the wretched opening music to Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi one more time, I will axe-murder a television set.

I’ve despised these things ever since I first started watching them. My grandparents were religious viewers, which explains their fanatical devotion to the shows. These programs tend to be soap operas about the trials and tribulations of an extended family. Rife with generational and romantic conflict — because the people from upper-class families are always fucking wildly inappropriate people — these soap operas bring the geriatric and the young alike to stew underneath a laboring fan while watching these actors get paid to get their freak on in front of a wild camera.

And when I say wild, I mean wild. Epileptics have nothing on these camera angles.

In my experience, these soap operas dictate how female conflicts take place. Mothers-in-law are supposed to be unnecessarily autocratic and daughters-in-law should remain pushovers. Of course, what makes good television never makes for a harmonious family, but don’t tell that to the masses.

At first when my mother presented this theory to me I didn’t believe her and thought she was crazy. But recently I caught my grandmother ripping into the maid the same way as the matriarch on a soap ripped into her busty-lusty slave who dared appear lazy in front of her exacting mistress and about one minute apart on the words. No, seriously. Same exact words.

The speech started with “you good-for-nothing” and resulted in a glorious climax. I think monkeys were involved.

(There’s something very erotic about the way these women assert dominance over one another. Chalk that up to my sudden sensitivity to lesbians.)

Tune in next time for: Soap Operas and the Key to Shitty Marriages.

3 Comments to “Soap Operas and the Key to Shitty Relationships”

  1. Woah. Life imitating… art? Can we call it that? I’m sure the camera guys think they’re being avante garde. Or maybe they just can’t hold the camera still.

    Have any of these shows run long enough for a malleable young woman to turn into the awful mother-in-law? Does anyone call her on her hypocrisy? Not on the show, maybe, but among the viewers?

  2. Wow, seriously? I don’t know, I think it’s a little sad when you feel like you MUST imitate a soap opera character in order to be taken seriously in your station. o.O; American soap operas are quite the same in many ways, but lately it’s become the mark of a bad person in these soap operas to mistreat their help. Although, this doesn’t always hold true, some characters still get away with it. But, soap operas are meant to be ENTERTAINMENT, not a guide to life. It’s strange how many people, regardless of culture, don’t seem to understand that…

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