I’ll get married in my own time.

by f

From today’s Subrosa entry:

My parents brought up the “marriage” word again. I’ve told them about my engagement with W and that I intend to marry him, but it’s like I’ve said nothing. I live with that growing dread, underneath everything else, that my parents will somehow disregard my wishes and start telling people I am eligible.

I don’t want this. I don’t want this process. I don’t even want the word brought up. Whenever it does, it brings me heartache and I hate it. These people just don’t know how to listen.

Today was all right. W came, so that was amazing. Four hours late, due to malfunctioning brake pads and a northeast corridor train that was shut down. We made out in his car a lot. We had lunch in an isolated South Indian restaurant somewhere in the middle of nowhere, staffed by an old man with a sunken face. I felt guilty and would not allow him to wait me. I cleaned everything on my own while he stared plaintively in my direction, slightly confused, but looking like he’d much rather sit down and take a damned nap and not have to worry about young fresh farts like me and our ridiculous appetites.

We then came back, parked the car in the library garage. Spent time together there. Gypsied to Starbucks. Again, a good time, but with that undercurrent of sadness.

Everything is so finite. Time — the world — maybe even love.

One Comment to “I’ll get married in my own time.”

  1. This is a great post, F. I know what you mean about family pestering you to get married. And, not listening to you when you tell them anything. I hope, too, that they don’t start telling people that you’re available, but if they do just politely tell each person that your parents were mistaken or it was a misunderstanding and you are already engaged to a wonderful man that you are quite happy with. Eventually, I think people will stop paying attention to what your parents say and stop sending their sons to ask you. If it comes to that, which I hope that it does not.

    I’m glad for the time that you got to spend with W recently, and I’m sorry that despite the fact that you got to spend more time than expected with each other it still ended far too soon.

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