Woman seeking woman. Men need not apply/ August ’10

by feyruhan

from motivated-posters.com

Hello, male-species person.  Maybe I wasn’t clear on my profile.  I am looking for a girlfriend.  I am NOT LOOKING FOR A GUY–not for a relationship, friendship, pen-pal, casual sex partner, or anything.  You and your kind need to learn how to take a hint.  Yes I identify as bisexual and yes I even identified as such on my profile, but I also specified on my profile that I am looking for women–women who like women, who are single, who are near me, etc. etc.  YOU ARE NOT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR.  No matter how great you may (or may not…) be, I AM STILL NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU, because I was very clear and you chose to ignore that for one or more of several reasons, which I speculate include, but are not limited to:

* The “no pain, no gain” approach–can’t hurt to try contacting me, worst case I will turn you down, on the upside I might make an exception.  For you.  Because… why?  WHY WOULD I MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR YOU?

* The “I could dig being your guy if you’re bi” approach–bisexuality must mean polyamory, which sounds good to you: I mean, the chance of two girls at once?  What’s not to like?  YOUR POMPOUS ASS IS WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE.  WHAT MAKES YOU THINK TWO GIRLS WOULD WANT YOU?

*The “penis envy” approach–I fool around with women, but sex, real sex, can only happen between a penis and a vagina.  Which you are and I have, respectively.  HAVE YOU HEARD THE PHRASE, “just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to act like one”?  THAT PHRASE WAS INVENTED FOR YOU.  Go stick it in the space between your couch and pillow.  That’s what you really want, isn’t it?  A hole to stick your penis in.

* The “love at first sight” approach– you are genuinely confused by this barrage of insults, because all you did was read the first half of my profile and decide to contact me without reading the rest of my profile.  YOU ARE A LAZY IDIOT AND YOU DESERVE WHATEVER IDIOT YOU GET STUCK WITH.  It just won’t be me.

Have a good day!

6 Responses to “Woman seeking woman. Men need not apply/ August ’10”

  1. I am DYING with laughter. This post is excellent!

    Having gone through the online dating routine as a woman-seeking-man, I have to say that they do the same thing to straight women as far as not reading and totally disregarding what’s in the profile. Like, “Please write in full sentences.” Or cheerfully going on about his politics and religion when I have made it very clear I am on the FAR side of the pool from him and am not interested in swimming over.

  2. Lol! Actually, men who do this often think that lesbians are just women who haven’t had very good sex with men and if they could have sex with you, they would turn you straight. Which is ridiculous and has nothing to do with anything except his own ego trip and ignorance over what a lesbian is.

  3. This made me laugh so hard I squirted Coke through my nose.
    Oh man, I can’t wait to see what else you have to share with us.

  4. Okay, so I’m showing off to my friend… who promptly gives me a score of five stars… at which point I let him know he can’t do that. … Because I’m pretty sure I am still logged in. …

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