…And My Money On His Mind

by dahliarosemonroe
Courtesy of Marie Claire

Courtesy of Marie Claire

So, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote about the issues with my boyfriend. At the behest of a few of the readers, I wanted to update all of you.

Things haven’t gotten much better since I wrote my last post. That is really why I have been MIA for the past few days. I have been so upset, disappointed, and depressed that I really have had no energy for much of anything. I have noticed such a drop in our relationship that it is hard not to notice.

Take this weekend, for example. SB did not have to work this weekend, but yet he decided to sleep the entire time. He barely stayed conscious for longer than two hours the entire weekend. This has been a repetitive offense, occurring more often than not now. I basically expect one of two things when I get home from work: 1) SB is back at his parent’s house yet, playing Call of Duty, or sleeping, or 2) he is back at my place doing – what else? – sleeping. Now, this isn’t to say the man can’t sleep. He works overnights at a hospital; I would have to be the biggest bitch ever to not allow a cat nap before he goes to work. But these “cat naps” have grown into an all-evening event, not even allowing us to see how each other’s day went. I almost feel like he is trying to avoid me in a passive-aggressive way, which naturally upsets me like it would any woman.

Secondly, and perhaps one of the most worrisome, is that our sex life has taken a total nose dive. In the past week, we have had sex all of once. Meanwhile, previous to this, we would enjoy each other’s company every day. I love having sex every day. I have a high sex drive, and I have no qualms in saying so. I’m a woman, I have hormones, as well as a va-jay-jay. If I can have sex with my boyfriend every day, I would be an idiot to refuse. And it has been pretty great sex up until recently, where he has seemed…I don’t know how else to put it…unenthusiastic. I really have to spent an extended amount of time trying to even get him to the point of moving and taking off his boxers. Of course, this does a number on my self-esteem. It makes me wonder all of these things, and I end up having an internal dialogue similar to this:

“What is going on? Am I getting fat and he isn’t attracted anymore? Should I dye my hair a different colour? What if I wore a more revealing outfit? I wish he would tell me what is going on with him. Well fuck, I don’t need his dick! I’ll just get a plastic dick! Fuck him! No…don’t fuck him! Yeah! Wait…maybe he is cheating on me? Did he find another woman? Oh God…”

Thirdly, he has been acting very terse with me. Disrespectful, honestly. For example, when we were talking on Facebook the other day, he was saying how he needed to call the company for his 401K. He said the company by name, and I asked what he was talking about. His reply? “Are you serious? Umm Vanguard hello”. How the fuck am I supposed to know the name of the company for your 401K? You never told me to begin with! I was so mad at that response I was literally shaking. Then he has been treating me like I’m so elementary in thought, that I can’t even do the most basic of things. When he left for work one night, he goes, “Oh yeah, and make sure you turn off the air conditioner before you go to work, okay?” I said sure, but I was thinking in the back of my head, “Do you really think I am that idiotic to just leave the air conditioner on when no one is there, wasting energy?” I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself without any help. I have made it to this age, so I must be doing something right if I am still breathing.

Why? I already dealt with enough bullshit just from my ex JR alone, let alone including the other men I’ve been involved with in my life. Things were going so well too, so to see this huge decline is even more depressing and disconcerting.

But I had a plan.

Last night, I decided I was going to take SB out to a restaurant nearby. I remember one of his reasons/excuses for not doing much and not having much of a sex drive was that he has barely been able to eat what he normally does lately, so his energy for anything has been super low. I figured I would try to remedy that if that was indeed the case. I looked online for a while at work yesterday, scoping out restaurants we could nosh at. I found this amazingly reviewed Mexican place not even two blocks from my apartment, and it wasn’t insanely expensive, which is amazing, considering how this is Manhattan and all. So right when I got home, I sat on the bed, with this excited smile on my face, and woke SB up a little more from the slight consciousness he had from the noise I made when I came in. I said, “Hey, you hungry?” He said he was a little bit after I had to ask a few times. I smile even more and go, “Well then get dressed, because I’m taking you out to eat!” At first he said he would go later, but I persisted because I knew that “later” would have meant “never” because he would keep sleeping. I roused him awake enough to silently get dressed because he was still waking up. We left about 15 minutes later, and got to the restaurant. We talked about how things are at work, joked around about this or that, talked about the news…tons of things. The food was fabulous (if anyone wants to try this place we went to, try La Posada restaurant). The portions were giant, so I knew he was going to be eating well. We we walking back to the apartment, and he says that we should go to the ginormous park that is across the street to check out more of the complex, and so he could see if anyone was playing handball. That was the first time he has wanted to do that in a while, so I said sure. He played some handball, and then we checked out more of the park, which has an indoor and outdoor swimming pool, gym, skating rink, football field, and much more. We were walking around when SB goes, “Thank you babe.” I ask him, “For what?” His reply? “For being an awesome girlfriend and dragging me out…” followed by a kiss. That pretty much made my whole day. That and the sex we had afterward when we got back.

Now the real task at hand? Being able to keep things on the up.

3 Comments to “…And My Money On His Mind”

  1. Maybe a large portion of the problem was that, for him, things had gotten monotonous? Going out and having fun seems to have made all the difference in your relationship. 🙂

  2. I’m so glad that you were able to reconnect! Once you’re in a funk, it’s so hard to shake it off. Hopefully you can both keep the mood up, and be in a good frame of mind to have some serious discussions about what happened and how to work around it in future. Maybe this is something he does, turning inward for a little while, and then bouncing back.

    I’m sure you know, when you’re not in the moment, that all the things you were thinking are not true, or not good reasons to change. Your weight shouldn’t matter, hair color is incidental, and you’re sexy no matter what you wear–sexy is a state of mind. And if he’s found another woman, he’s mad. I feel like some of those thoughts are imposed on us by the culture–my dear, why should you have to change because he’s not interested? It isn’t your fault.

    Damned if I know how to make those thoughts go away once they’ve lodged in the brain, though. 😦

  3. So true! We all give this advice to other people (I know I certainly have on numerous occasions), but rarely take it ourselves. We tend to be our own worst enemies in that respect.

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