Gratuitous Man Pics: Cracked.com

by d

Today, we have a very special entry in the Gratuitous Man Pics category.

Cracked.com. All of it. There aren’t many images of the guys who write columns there, so we’ve ‘shopped up some of our own.

Cracked.com: The only thing that could ever make David Beckham hotter.


We love Cracked. We are female, and we love them. It. Whatever. In fact, a good number of the other readers we know are women. And we love you Cracked, we really do. We want to have your babies–and isn’t that our primary factor in nominating someone to this category?

You see, if we were blessed to randomly come across one of their writers, the conversation would not go like this:

Sarahdactyl, YOU FOOL!

We must assume, for the sake of Sarahdactyl’s immortal soul, that she did not sign out voluntarily, but was instead wrenched from her seat by a prehistoric creature bent on torturing her by placing happiness within her primitive grasp and then ripping it away. Otherwise we must damn her to the outer rings of Stupid Woman Hell (run, of course, by other women with a grudge to bear).
Cracked used to be a magazine competing with MAD. They lost the publishing war, but they were unwilling to give up their little slice of internet real estate. So, they took what teensy budget they still had, gathered up some writers, and opened the site up to anyone who wanted to take a shot at contributing. The result is a massively popular website putting out several pages of new content every day, almost all of hi-larious.
They draw you in with the most random topics, often in list form, guaranteed to get your attention.
You may think that’s just salesman hype and trickery, but Cracked always delivers. Every article is full of factoids you might never have known otherwise. History becomes interesting (and perverted), art takes on new meaning (and perviness), and there’s always some freaky insect or sex toy waiting to scare the living daylights out of you. And it is all absolutely fascinating! In the words of Michael Morisy, the guy behind xkcd:

“Cracked.com is an … inexplicable browser narcotic. They could write a list of  ’17 worst haircuts in the Ottoman Empire’ and I’d read through to the end, then click on all the links at the end.”

Us, too, Mike.

All that brainpower is sexy. Damn sexy. Add the funny, and you’re looking at a readership of incredibly aroused females.

In fact, the power of a sexy mind is so powerful, this is how we picture Cracked:

Your welcome, ladies.
(Click for Biggus Dickus.)

Sext us, babes.

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