In my porn, people FUCK.

by d

I often hope that I’ll be inspired to write one of these entries. Usually I’m scoping out Savage Love or TheFrisky for that. I didn’t expect to find it in xkcd:

If you haven’t seen the Porn For Women line, this probably isn’t as funny as it could be. To wit:

“I know, lets take you shoe shopping!”

“Hold that thought a second, I want to pull over and ask for directions.”
Basically, the Porn for Women series is all photos of guys saying and doing things that women really want them to do–without being asked. It’s a hilarious concept, and it plays to the cliches that still happen in a majority of households. It took years for my mom to beat my dad out leaving clothes lying around on the floor, not packing or emptying the dishwasher, etc. Some stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.
I appreciated these, even though I don’t have my own household/spouse/boyfriend yet. It was sobering to take a second look and realize that, yes, all that probably awaits me.
I was disappointed that there wasn’t more nudity. Isn’t the point to have gorgeous men doing the chores, without being asked, while showing off their gorgeousness?

Xkcd is a brilliant comic, but it doesn’t often go into this sort of territory. I am absolutely delighted that they found the flaw in the whole idea.

Some women do like porn. Real porn, hard porn, graphic porn. It’s a stereotype that women are averse to porn. Porn ends marriages. Poor Dan Savage regularly receives letters about women who consider pornography akin to infidelity. He also gets letters about women just aren’t interested in porn, while their partners want to incorporate it in their lovemaking. And, every so often, a woman will speak up and say, “Uh, hey, I like porn!”

Personally, I think that studio porn is fucking hilarious. Have you seen the ads, with their gaping mouths and idiotic expressions? Laughable. Note to future boyfriends: Don’t try to surprise me with a sexy porn night. I’ll make popcorn and laugh the night away.

Of course, the internet has made it a lot easier to find free porn. I, like many others, have put in some time on sites like PornoTube and all the other YouTube-style ripoffs. I have learned some things about myself, about what kind of porn works for me and what doesn’t. For instance, I don’t care about watching a girl give a guy head. I’m also not too interested in watching two people jiggle and jump for several minutes without so much as a grunt.
What I want to see in my pornography is excitement. I want to know that those people are excited to be doing what they’re doing, and that they’re enjoying it.
Maybe that’s why erotica does so much more for women than porn does. In fact, that’s probably why romance novels sell so damn well. The narration allows the reader inside the characters’ minds, and you can share their anticipation, their excitement, their release. It’s far more engaging, and more satisfying.
I’ve been reading some pretty hardcore books of late. The sex is as good as the plot, which is how I like it. And the sex has been wild, kinky, adventurous… and the protagonist, a woman, has been very honest with herself and the reader about what she wants. She wants that rough sex, that wildness. She also wants tenderness, and trust. She isn’t ashamed to want, or to ask for what she wants. I’m enjoying that.
Porn For Women is a great, cute, funny concept. It is born from truth. But lets not pretend that that’s all women want. As our xkcd girl says, in my porn people fuck.

Yes, I would jump a man who can fuck and take out the garbage.
Porn is all about fantasy, right?

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